I have spent most of my life wondering what I want to do. I am so confused and I feel like all I've done is procrastinate my whole life. I honestly feel as though I am a failure. I feel as though I could have done way more by now. I went to college for Computer Technology, because I thought that it would be an easy job but then after taking a semester of a security class I feel like I do not know anything. I got a perfect score in that class but as soon as I started trying to study for my certification it was like I didn't know anything at all. I feel like I am ignorant for trying to pursue this. It is not that I need to hear that I can do it or anything, I feel like I will fail. I have lost faith in myself but what makes it worse is not knowing if it was there in the first place.
I did manage to catch up on my shows this semester because I trained myself to watch television while doing my homework. I cannot watch television while studying but while doing more basic assignments, it has become helpful. I either use television or music but it helps me keep my focus. I think that could be why I feel as though I do not remember anything, I could be remembering all the sidelined television shows instead of trying to remember them together or separating them.
I think that what bugs me the most about my life is not making enough money, which computers could give me that. But then all my time is devoted to a job that I hate yet again. Sigh. #life.